First Comes Love

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Tom Rasmussen finds themselves straddling two camps, that of their Northern, working class family for whom marriage is the centrepiece of life, and as a male-bodied, non-binary queer in a relationship with a man.Through journeys to wildly different weddings ranging from the most traditional to the unrecognizably unorthodox, visits to wedding planners, interviews of the much-married, those who have questioned their decision to marry over lockdown, or those who would never consider matrimony, these incisive witty and often moving essays look at marriage as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, and a practical solution. They examine what marriage means, along the whole spectrum of sexuality, for the working class, the middle class, the upper class and what the future looks like for marriage, the most historic and universal of institutions.Can Tom have the wedding of their dreams in a white Vera Wang dress while their family dabs at their eyes around them - or is it appropriate to reject this heteronormative ritual? Is there a way to reconcile the two without letting either down? And moreover, can any of us with any sense, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, justify it? What is marriage good for - and if the answer is absolutely nothing, why are still so obsessed with it?