The Twelve Dels of Christmas

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Merry Christmas, you plonkers - the warmest and funniest memoir yet from the million-copy bestselling national treasure 'It is at Christmas time that want is most keenly felt, and abundance rejoices.' Charles Dickens, 'A Christmas Carol' 1843 'Yeah, and a partridge up your pear tree, an' all.' Derek Trotter, 'Christmas Crackers', 1981 'Think of this memoir as a Christmas special in book form, from someone who has been involved in a few of those and understands a bit about the concept. But a Christmas special very much like Only Fools and Horses, in the sense that the stories will be always heading outwards, ranging far and wide and well beyond the traditional festive gags involving giblets left in turkeys. As I sift through various festive-related episodes in my career, loosening the ribbons, parting the wrapping paper, I'll be doing my best to reach any relevant conclusions about life, work and the meaning of it all that I can usefully pass on to you - baubles of wisdom if you like. Or certainly baubles. You'll learn why I have the perfect face to play Scrooge. And if you're lucky I'll also share what it's like to fly in a helicopter with my old mucker Tom Cruise. Merry Christmas, you plonkers.'.